a series of fortunate events

so today my bosses, james and steve, called me into their office and told me i was doing a good job (thank god). they gave me a raise.
then they each asked me to get them a beer from their well-stocked mini fridge. providing my bosses with alcohol is a normal part of my job, by the way. once i made them martinis, to which they complemented heavily.
so i got them their beers and steve whips out five 100-dollar bills and hands it to me. i almost dropped the beer in his lap. he jokingly told me it was my "tip." i thought he was kidding, but nope. he really had just given me $500.
so i bounce back down the stairs to my receptionist's perch with a new outlook on life and employment. i mean, i just couldn't stop laughing. the accountant judy, or "joods" as we refer to her, was also given some sort of bonus and we just couldn't stop smiling about our wonderful fortune.

then i hear my bosses buzz me on our intercom, asking me to come back up and get them another beer. of course i will get thee another beer...you just gave me $2500!

as i'm twisting off the caps, james proceeds to pull out another $500 and gives it to me. i thought they were kidding, but nope. he really had just given me another $500.

there is no april fool's here, this really happened. of course, my bosses just settled a deal and each made $1.5 million, but they didn't have to share any of that with us. but they did.
and i'm feelin' good right now, feelin' good.

and that's the way it is today.


a day in the life of, no.1

It's a hot morning here--dry and dusty with hints of lime-cilantro. A cactus mews in the distance, because they don't have cats. Those, along with the Shermans' new baby girl, were all eaten by the coyotes.

OCYSLG is in his bedroom, which smells both musty and fresh, getting ready for Work. He's listening to a hip new band very few people know about. He loves music, but the only thing he doesn't do is Mariachi.
He only ties a single Windsor, however, which can be interpreted as either lazy or an attempt at maintaining his iconoclastic image. OTG might also be there, but I don't know if they see each other on worknights. It doesn't matter, though. It's cool.

After the whole single-knot thing, OCYSLG "does his hair." Or whatever's left of it these days. He's young but he's got a rapidly receding hairline which he hides most of the time underneath an authentically-worn (not the kind you buy pre-worn at Abercrombie) cowboy hat.
He gathers the day's paperwork and stuffs it in his old backpack, grabs a bowl of organic granola with elderberries and soy milk...I mean, a leftover piece of meatzza...on his way out the door. He may or may not kiss OTG goodbye.

OCYSLG's friend, OTD, is doing the same thing, but his hair requires more attention because there's more of it. This trait gives OTD a one-up over OCYSLG when the two argue over hypothetical combat scenarios.
OTD is currently in a sad stage of life because he has recently parted ways with someone special, the cause of which is at the moment unknown but probably his own fault. The worst is when people complain about life situations which they caused, and OTD's doing a lot of that these days.
Irregardless being a word now, he grabs some fast food on his way in to Work. Inevitably, he'll one day be bitching about having adult-onset diabetes or no more money, and end his own life due to whichever comes first. For now, though, he's nobly trying to live life to the fullest extent and, well, there's no room for criticizing Carpe Diem in this story.

Both OCYSLG and OTD arrive at Work. They dismount their horsies and chain them to the iron bars outside. They chat about Work and how they love it and hate it at the same time. They can do this because they're in the special Workers clique.
The clique's formation is not unreasonable like most cliques', though, since being a Worker is one of the toughest jobs out there. On a daily basis they are responsible for many things which impact the future of our society and its individuals. As such, everyday at Work is both an uphill and downhill battle, the latter of which being the key to Chamberlain's success at Gettysburg.
In addition to keeping the peace and fighting various battles, they are also forced to work within the screwed-up Structure of Worktion which runs much like the Great Glass Elevator:
it has the ability to take you anywhere you want to go, but most of the time just dumps you vis-a-vis a gang of Vermicious Knids.
OCYSLG and OTD say goodbye for now and head off to their own Workrooms, where they get busy Working and impacting the future of back-of-the-house restaurant workers and maybe even the next mayor of San Francisco.

Their day can be likened to a bag of Seneca Apple Chips. The idea of the apple is there. Indeed, that's the basis of the chip itself. But there's something extra delicious about the crispy, buttery and tart taste that keeps you reaching your hand in the only-half-filled bag (contents settle due to shipping).
You continue to munch on this satisfying snack until it's all gone, at which point you kind of wish you had just eaten a real apple like in the days of yore! But it's so hard to eat real apples these days due to the exorbitant regulations surrounding them per the Pomum Protocol imposed by the Structure of Worktion. Plus, fruit--who needs it?

After Work, OCYSLG and OTD agree to hit up the local cantina for some drinks and meaty meat meat. They mount their horsies, amidst much heckling from all the normal people driving cars, and trot on down to I Wish It Wasn't Monday's for some manly conversation and strawberry daiquiries.

"A sloth could not change a baby's diaper faster than a cheetah," rebuts OTD to OCYSLG's claim that, yes, it could.
After one too many Mike'ses, they agree on one animal that is good at changing diapers:
a woman.

They decide to end their evening on this congenial note and part ways.
For a brief moment they are sad to leave one another. They are best friends in a town of their worst enemies: boredom, anxiety, isolationism, and the lack of a decent record store. Parting is difficult, but they manage it every time.

On the ride home, OTD gets pulled over and ticketed for drunk horseback riding, although the actual ticket reads "just get a car cowboy." In addition to this harassment, the ticket comes with a paycheck's worth of a fine.

OCYSLG swings by and picks up OTG. They talk about other stuff not related to sloths and cheetahs...most of it's OCYSLG's daily musings which prepares OTG for sleeping. He kisses her goodnight, drifts off and then dreams of HOSO. The moon shines bright through the slats.

It was a typical day here and our mysteriously-named friends have made the best of it.
They are their own sheriffs in a border town where no one really does the whole Wild West Thing anymore. In fact, no one really does a whole lot of anything anymore. Either that or they're doing things they don't like, they don't need, or that they despise.
But our friends are spending their lives the way they want to.
Even if they don't have a penny to show for it.


you be the judge

I usually don't follow news stories to such a detailed extent, but this one has truly piqued my interest.
In addition to raising many hard questions about our own lives, deaths and morals, the Terri Schiavo case also makes me reconsider my position on federalism.
(Yes, I have a position on federalism and I reconsider it regularly.)

Basically, who gets to rule over what? This case has been bounced back and forth between local, state and federal jurisdiction and most recently, points out a rather large discrepency with most Republicans' view of leaving most things to "the States." With their special bill, the US Congress essentially trespassed on Florida's property. It went in and took the case from one jurisdiction and moved it to another. This really gets me going, especially when they tout the importance of State's rights on other issues which favor their political agenda.

But in this case, I'm finding it difficult to be such a hard-liner when it comes to federalism. Indeed, this one's a tough call. Sometimes the Federal government needs to step in if they don't find a State's goings-on appropriate. Like in Arkansas during Civil Rights.
Then again, I'm skeptical about some federal lawmakers simply using a strictly-Florida case for their own political gain on the national level.

No matter what, though, cases like this will at least keep nerds like me thinking about the Constitution and our judicial system. In addition, there's one thing that the Terri Schiavo case clearly points out, and that's the importance of making a living will.

In case you're wondering what's been happening for the past decade, here's my summary which draws on numerous resources:

-Terri has cardiac arrest, the initial injury leading to her state today
-Court appoints Terri's husband Michael Schiavo as her guardian and the Schindlers (Terri's family) do not object

-After disagreeing over settlement money from a malpractice suit involving Terri, Schindlers try to remove Michael as Terri's guardian but court rejects request

-Michael's first attempt to remove feeding tube, challenged by the Schindlers

-Florida Judge Greer presides over case; orders removal of tube; permits a stay (or delay) of removal until April 20, 2001 in order for the Schindlers' appeals to be given a chance

-Schindlers challenge first ruling, but their appeal is denied in Florida's Second District of Appeal; removal of tube upheld
-Schindlers' attempt of rehearing in Appellate Court denied, as well as their attempt to extend the stay beyond April 20th
-Schindlers petition the Florida Supreme Court to extend stay, FLSC denies review of situation but a Federal District Judge extends the stay until April 23rd so that the Schindlers can appeal to the SCOTUS
-SCOTUS denies writ (doesn't accept the case)
-Per original State Judge Greer's order, the tube is removed on April 24th
-Schindlers file an emergency motion with Greer and a new civil suit against Michael. Two days later, a Federal Circuit Court judge orders the reinsertion of the tube due to this new civil suit
-Now Michael files an emergency motion to remove the tube with the Florida Second District of Appeal, but that court gives it back to original Judge Greer, who, in mid August, finds that the tube be removed again. He sets the date for October 9th in order to give the family time to appeal. That delay is extended indefinitely by the 2DCA (Greer's next-higher court)

-Michael and Schindlers try to work things out ("mediation") but fail to do so
-After months of battling over whether a new set of doctors can review Terri's condition (they eventually do), Shindlers ask for more time to again try to remove Michael as Terri's guardian. But on November 22nd, Judge Greer again rules against them and orders the removal of the tube on January 3, 2003. He then stays the ruling saying the tube must remain until the Schindlers have finished all appeals

-Half a year later in June, the 2DCA affirms Greer's decision to remove the tube. The date is set for October 15th
-The FLSC refuses once again to hear the case
-Schindlers appeal to the Federal courts--with Gov. Bush as a backer--but the Federal judge say's it's not in his jurisdiction
-On October 15th the tube is removed again
-Advocacy groups and such turn to the Florida legislators, who, on October 21st pass "Terri's Law," which allows Gov. Bush to override the courts using a one-time stay. The tube is reinserted that day
-Backed by the ACLU, Michael says the law is unconstitutional. He files a lawsuit in the state court
-Gov. Bush tries to stop Michael's lawsuit, but is denied. Bush appeals to the next higher court and also tries to remove the judge who denied him. That petition is itself denied.

-In early May "Terri's Law" is ruled unconstitutional by the Florida Circuit Court. Bush appeals and Michael petitions that the appeal skips the 2DCA and goes straight to the FLSC. Michael's petition is approved
-On September 23 the FLSC unanimously votes that "Terri's Law" is unconstitutional
-Judge Greer, who was reelected by a land slide, stays the removal of her tube until December 6th
-Gov. Bush appeals the "Terri's Law" FLSC ruling to the SCOTUS but on January 24th, 2005, the SCOTUS denies writ

-The tube is still set for removal, but the date is TBA per Judge Greer's orders that all pending appeals (in other related cases regarding guardianship, etc.) have been completed
-Greer sets removal date of February 23rd, which is the day he's expected to hear the last appeal
-On the 23rd, he stays the removal until the 25th, in order to give him time to issue his official and detailed orders. He says, “absent a stay from the appellate courts, the guardian, Michael Schiavo, shall cause the removal of nutrition and hydration from the ward, Theresa Schiavo, at 1 p.m. on Friday, March 18, 2005." The Schindlers appeal to the 2DCA but last week (March 16th), that court upheld Greer's decision

in the last few days:
-18: The US House Committee on Government Reform tries to intervene by ordering subpoenas requiring Michael and Terri to appear before it. It also asks Greer to stay his decision and asks the FLSC to reverse Greer's decision--both say no. Tube is removed.
-19-20: Congress stays in DC to pass a private bill, which gives the Middle District of Florida jurisdiction over the case. The Bill, S.686 is a special "private bill," not intended for use by future courts or to make 'special' rights for Terri.
-22: Judge Whittemore of that Middle District refused reinsertion of tube. Schindlers appeal to the US Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit
-Today: A three-judge panel from that Circuit votes 2-1 against reinserting the tube saying that the Schindlers have "failed to demonstrate a substantial case on the merits of any of their claims." The Schindlers are requesting a rehearing by the full 12 justices, hoping to keep Terri alive until all legal options have been exhausted


march sadness

(yes, i thought of that on my own just now)

come on, guys, what the fuck.

i truly wish the catamounts (whatever those are) the best of luck.
i'm a sucker for underdogs, so for the rest of the tourney i'll keep my fingers crossed for the guys in green.
see, i really am a nice person.


in the words of elaine benes,
"top of the muffin to you!"



Today is the Ides of March, the day Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC.
The term "ides" comes from the Latin iduare, "to divide." It refers to the midpoint of a month, which was supposed to coincide with the full moon. The Romans used the term to number a month's days (so the 13th of the month would be "two days before the Ides"), but otherwise there was no particular significance to the date.



OK people. What the fuck?
I've recently seen advertisements for bread and marriage.

Again, that's BREAD and MARRIAGE.


monday's thoughts

I was thinking about blogs today and I realized that I might not like them that much.
I mean, there's something about not knowing what someone's up to for a long time, and then spending a good hour catching up in real life.
The blog kind of takes the magic out of long-distant friendships.
Plus, who gives a crap what I'm talking about anyway??
that's about it.

Oh, and I got a huge tax refund. That was cool.

Oh, and the Nats are 500. Is that the right term?

Oh, and "irregardless" is now in the dictionary. Touche.

Oh, and I got accepted into the DC Teaching Fellows and was also offered a docket clerk job at the DC courts but turned both down in order to move to San Francisco in January to help my friend/former radio producer-boss start a non profit radio production company and launch a new radio show which I have no idea will be successful (I think it will) but it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so I couldn't pass it up and I know I want to be a teacher but this came up at the last minute and will only enrich my life, thus making me a better teacher in the future so I guess I'm kind of nervous having turned down such a good opportunity but in the end I think it will all work out and I'm happy with my decision and the chance to create something from scratch and be a part of such an innovative idea so we'll see how it goes, huh, and until then I'll be a receptionist but with a higher purpose always with a higher purpose and that's the way my life is feeling right now--on the up and up--i'm gonna go ahead and run in the marine corps marathon in october i decided that i couldn't be inactive anymore so i said fuck it i miss running and that's that because there's something about running that i couldn't leave, even after two years of not running i still felt a void oh and i think spring is here and i've never felt so excited for spring, for the warmth, for the life which i feel right now and i think i'm done with both this post-grad funk and this funky post peace out and have a marvellous day


aural acrostics

fun, narcissisctic and pointless, but isn't that what a blog is anyway?
my version of this game, using my favorite songs:

everyday is a winding road (sheryl crow)
make you feel that way (blackalicious) tied with mad mission by patty griffin & metaphysical by handsome boy modeling school
in the aeroplane over the sea (neutral milk hotel)
least complicated (ig)
iowa (dar williams)
estoy aqui (shakira)

glass house (ani)
recommendation (mirah)
all is full of love (bjork) tied with anarchy in the uk by sex pistols & the all things considered theme song
'cello song (nick drake)
eine kleine nachtmusik (mozart)

concrete schoolyard (j5)
obvious child (paul simon) tied with o fortuna! by carl orff and ode to joy by beethoven
la la love you (pixies)
everytime you say goodbye (alison krauss & union station)


mi amigos

I was just about to post a comment in response to Spooner's recent post "Kid Fears" (by the way, you get a Ping hat if you know the reference), but I thought it might be better if I reply publically right here so that you all can learn yet something else about me.
Oh, what fun.

I just wrote a long, droning post, but then deleted it.
Basically what I want to say is that I learned the concept of friendship from my parents (who didn't ever have those close family friends next door) and the Army (emilie meet so-and-so. Become good friends with them. Now say bye because we're moving!)
So in conclusion, sorry for being such a weird friend sometimes and you're welcome for being such a good friend at other times.


year of the rooster

There's definitely something I've realized during this weird post-coll life of mine, and that's that I'm sometimes a big wuss. Do you feel that, too? Or is it just me? Oh, you didn't mean that.
Maybe it's because, up until graduation, I had always had a set goal or achievement for which to strive. Or maybe not and I should just stop rambling.

Anyway, though I feel like I'm finally coming out of this abysmal state, there are still moments where I just feel shaken. I feel like the core of my being is jeopardized when I discover/realize something new about myself that scares the shit out of me.
Yesterday this happened at Bikram yoga.

BTW, Bikram yoga is like this suped-up, LA, powershake version of yoga--which may or may not completely contradict the idea of yoga itself. It was invented by a master yogi, C. Bikram, who thinks (yes, he's still alive, lives in LA and teaches the Hollywood elite his practice) that we Westerners need a little more spice in our paid relaxation sessions.
That "spice" is in the form of a 120-degree room.

I'm not going to go into much detail, but yesterday I fell out of my Bikram session. Granted, it was only the second time I've ever attended, but everytime I moved a muscle I felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn't hold my arms up anymore in whatthehellasana.
Also, my face felt on the verge of exploding.
And then, it did explode!

Crying, I rolled up my mat and tried to leave the room without stepping on any of the sweaty bodies between me and the fresh, cool air of wussdom.

It's kind of funny to me today that I broke down in a yoga session. But at the time, it really shook me. I just couldn't do it and my body was laughing at me.
"Look at you, you wuss. You used to run 80 miles a week. You used to go to UNC soccer camp in the sweltering NC heat. You used to have a strong mind and you used to believe in yourself. Ha."

Now, I know yoga is about not competing, not pressuring yourself and, in fact, these ideas were not what was going on in my mind-a-roo. What was going through my mind was the fact that I was hit with the cold, hard truth about my current life. Right there in a room of sweaty people in Tree Pose.

What that truth was is that I'm not who I used to be--mentally, physically, vegetarianally. I know I've had a rough-and-tumble kind of past two years, marked by new physical limitations and slips of meat eating. Also self-doubt, confusion, occupational frustration and automotive transmission.

But yesterday I came to terms with all that. I accepted it all for what it was and cried like the little baby I've become.
Then I went ahead and bought a membership pass, cause I'm going to kick ass at next week's session, bitches!