Today I spent about four (4) hours researching sheepskin boots. (Yeah, and I got paid for it, too.) This kind of detailed and obsessive shopping is not uncommon for the female gender, as recently demonstrated by Mer Bear. And it's certainly not uncalled for given the fact that there are literally ba-gillions of sheepskin footwear out there! Luckily I had somewhere to start; a solid foundation upon which I could rely; something we used to refer to in 'Nam as an "OBJ," or Objective Rally Point:
the Ugg boot.

I once was blessed with the opportunity to slip my feet into these soft, woolen foot-wombs (OK, Mer Bear's rip-off Uggs, but still...) and was immediately returned to my fetal days. The only thing missing was the uterine fibroids that are so popular now. Nonetheless, I wanted to stay there. I feared the time when I had to return this furry footwear to my dumb friend Meredith who didn't need them anyway so she should just give them to me.
We had had such a good time together, me and the boots. We made love in the meadow. We milked the cows and darned the chickens. We even bought a Sealy Posturpedic mattress together!

But there was Merideath, glaring at me as I lay on the floor in a suffering ball.
"Gimme back," she demanded, the spittle forming in the chapped cracks of her thin little lips.
As I slowly pulled my feet back out into this cruel, cold world, a single salty tear trickled down my sad face, gently bounced off my pouting lower lip, and splashed onto her Pergo floor with echoing poignancy.
"Here," I weeped.
"They weren't even real Uggs anyway."

So that was last weekend, biotch, and I'm all better now because today I ordered my own sheepskin boots. I spent four (4) hours researching them. Oops. Did I already say that? I don't care because I don't feel like backspacing that much today. (Today's an "Enter" day). There was a lot of material to go through, let me tell you.
Not only do we have Ugg brand, which offers a copious selection of traditional and cutting-edge Australian-style footwear and handbags for men, women and children, but we also have other brands with an equally-wide variety. And, of course, a lot of really ugly shit I would never be caught dead in. As you can see so far, four hours is the minimum I should have spent given all this data.

At first I had my heart set on the Classic line by Ugg. You've probably seen this sand-colored boot on many a fashionista in your local viewing area. With little regard to trend, I really just like this boot's comfort, durability and classic look. You've got a 100% genuine sheepskin-leather upper which can resist the wear and tear of metropolitan life. With the Classic Short, you'll get 8" of above-ankle warmth for even the chilliest day.

Or not! These boots are great for even summer weather, as the sheepskin interior is a natural and dually-functioning insulator. It's completely up to you! And me, too, which is why they tickled my fancy so.

Whilst researching the Classic line, I came across its secondary line called the "Classic Essential" line. I was definitely not ready for sub-stratum shoe research, but I took it like a big girl and looked at the features. Not only did the Classic Essential line offer the classicness of the Classic line, but also added essentiality to it! This essentialness is in the form of a more rugged, durable and grippy sole. Before I just wanted classicity, but now I needed this newfound essentialitism.

I was on a shoe safari and that new fax was just gonna have to be patient. OK? Cause I'm busy.

I spent hours on the phone. I called Arizona, North Carolina and probably India looking for the Classic Essential Short in Sand in a size 7, but to no avail:
"We only have that color in a size 10."
"We only have a size 7 left in Baby Pink or Baby Blue."
"I can offer you the Essential Tall in Sand. Would you like me to offer that to you? Oh, OK. Bye."

I decided that I didn't need a more rugged sole. A normal sole was good enough. I mean, I don't live in the outback or anything, right? Right? Shut up.
Back to Plan A: The Classic line. But again, no luck.
"We are completely sold out in Sand. Would you like Chestnut?"
"Unfortunately we won't be getting another shipment in until April."
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't know who Meredith Andrews is."

Dear God, are you there? It's me, Emilie. If you help me find a pair of comfortable Australian-style, mid-length, sand-colored bootsies, I will...well, I can't think of anything right now but I'll try to think of something good to do soon.

That must've done the trick because Voila! The nice lady at shoesurfing.com suggested another just-as-cool brand of said footwear: Koolaburra. I did the research and found them to be much more suitable for my needs. Like, way more suitable than Uggs. See:
Plan A
Plan B
Plan Meant-to-Be

I like them way better. They will certainly last me for the rest of my life. I am so happy and my mind hearkens back to that day last weekend when I lived a day in the life of Boot Bliss.
But the best part is that by choosing Koolaburra, I've avoided the Ugg bandwagon and have retained my unique sense of style.

Not to mention my original personality to boot!

1 comment:

Merry said...

yo smarty, you darn socks not chickens!

see? im not as stupid as your post makes me seam!!

also, my lips are neither thin nor chapped and my lips aren't chapped either!!!

plus, you totally should have gotten those chestnut ones. Sand is sooo last year!!!!