Unexpectedly, I've become a huge fan of reality TV. This is abnormal because 1) I don't even get cable, so I have to find other places to view it and B) I used to think it was a crock of crap.
But I'm really starting to see the beauty in it:

Besides offering me an escape from this horribly wretched life of mine (and I mean wretched--I mean, come on. I once had five (5!) knee surgeries and in addition to that, my garbage disposal was recently malfunctioning), reality TV helps me learn about how to be a better human being. It teaches me life skills such as patience, critical thinking, confident decision making and effective communication.

For example, if I am one day in a dark, board-like room with a famous rich guy who's intensely questioning me, I know not to whine or admit that I did a "bad job" because then I could be fired

Or if I am a gay guy dating an on-the-go flight attendant, I should really be upfront about that relationship with any other guy I might meet/dance with/sleep with from the local Gay Guy Hooking Up Club!

Or if I'm racing around the world with my piss-ant boyfriend to win a million dollars and we get stuck in a slow moving tuk tuk (Ethiopian taxi-rickshaw), then I shouldn't lose my cool when a herd of goats crosses the road and/or the driver takes us to the wrong field in order to slather mud on the side of huts like the natives do!

Or if I sing like a stopped up toilet, I shouldn't be disappointed when a mysteriously-famous, yet dick-headed talent judge calls me "absolutely horrid"!

Or if I'm walking down the street in the dark and some homeless guy comes up to me and begs me to give him money and I say I don't have any money and he says, "can't you just go get some" and I think about it and decide, OK, I'll go get some. Come with me to that convenience store to go get some money so we go and when we get there I realize how dumb that was of me to do that so I end up retracting my offer and he gets sad and mad and then I have a disappointed and angry bum on my hands and oh wait, that actually did happen


Merry said...

hah hah! i forgot about that shit. you are too nice and trusting, Ms. Cole. But it's nothing that a large dose of primetime-fox won't cure. keep up the good work and hang around with that BPD fellow more often. he trusts no one and he has cable. coincidence?

Anonymous said...

The O.C. is not reality T.V.

emilie said...

dear anon:

I know the OC is not reality TV. I don't think I said that. But thanks for clearing that up for others.
Have a good day.

Monty said...

This post is B.S. One thing I remember from when I first met you was that you were a huge fan of Survivor. You've always been a fan of "reality tv".

Stop trying to be so cool. D.C. hasn't been cool since the early 80's.

emilie said...

yeah, I guess that's true. I did watch that one (1) first season of Survivor. I actually forgot about that! Maybe that's because it was so long ago. Or, I don't know, that Survivor sucks now.
Anyway, haven't really touched the stuff until recently.

Also, I agree with you and I don't think DC's cool at all. But how about you tell me the current coolest city and I'll move there. Just for you.

Oh well. Sorry I've betrayed your trust. Mayhaps you shouldn't turn to this blog for facts.

I have brown hair/brown eyes and weigh 250.